SONG THREE:
ICICLESTARS
My voice dives deep into Gold Dragon’s cave
awash with jewels on dark green velvet waves
Unafraid I consider the glittering hoard
pocked with warriors’ skulls and bone-broke hands
still gripping jeweled medieval swords
On one skull, a white owl’s topaz eyes stare
daggers amid ivory feathers puffed up
with ruffled wings for cold winter flying
Something here for me but hidden from sight
Certain secrets buried beneath old gems
can explain the meaning of who I am
But neither cave nor Dragon speaks to me
Neither one gives up the ancient legend
They only plant the inner seed and make
me watchful as the owl for ciphers, ‘midst
slippery roots and slithering of Dragon dreams
I breathe in air so cold my nostrils burn
Snowdrift dunes grown taller than township roofs
loom over me like calcified sea waves
No one looks for me in this rime-ice cave
‘til the evening meal readied and voices
call as if I were never lost or missed
I hate going where I can hardly breathe
the hot smoke-filled air and reek of bodies
inside room full of strange ones’ raucous noise
not like this sheltering sky -- stars wide-mouthed
humming regal tones and chords cresting north
and to south the drone of the rumbling moon
and me in the middle singing along
Inside voices babble louder, laughing.
No one sees that I am out here, not there
Why care if I stayed outside by myself
in the dark humming with cold-fingered scales’
high harmonies from these iciclestars
My warm breath makes ice clouds on my old clothes
me, out here, growing cold, ice-singing far
far from that room’s damp sour smell smothering . . .
Every time I breathe air like this so cold
my nose sticks to itself, I feel white - clean
shining like stars trailing icicle air
a glacier pressing against my wee heart
reminding me of where I do belong
I stand beneath the stars where my people
dance in pale crystalline rooms, feet gliding
nimble, so light they shimmer and glitter
lighting up, fading out, graceful in dance
to the lovely songs of iciclestars
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I do not belong I am alone now
fingerling dropped in an alien pond
awkward fins, skinny tail, and gaping mouth
that everyone says look wrong, not like them
“What are you?” they say with their squinting eyes
“A changeling shed from a nightshade dewdrop?”
“A deep-sea fish beached and stranded on shore?”
I give no answers to their stupid talk.
I know I am not like them – not one bit
and they never give up telling me that
Maybe I should change, be good, and fit in
Part of me wants to be right for them but
the truer part of me does not know how
They cannot even tell what kind I am
I don’t know any way to be like them
caught between who I am and who I’ve been
Something’s out here hidden in the coldest
winter night, like me, watching with owl-eyes
for signs, secrets within iciclelight
I catch their shadows when I blink – each time
I think they have submerged into darkness
I hear muffled footsteps or creaking door
When I think I’ll give in - try to be right
I hear the whisper out in such cold nights
“Do not give in. It will not be right.
“Do not go in. We are here in the night.”
Lately, I can’t fix the dis-membering
I cannot see clearly except in dreams
Sometimes I think I can forget star-sounds
that hum in my head and swirl all around
When I think this, I want deep night’s, white breathe
I want to melt like ice, flow back to sea
go out with the tide and its sinuous kelp
Then, just when I think sea-sounds are all gone
that sea’s homing voice will never again
sound in my head, crease the wood of my hull
the water of stars rushes in with its long, low call
sounding my name, a sudden landfall
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On the bare shore I stand facing the sea
one eye sweeps the waves, other sees beneath
spanning the ocean floor long rows of graves
rough-pocked altar stones and upon each one
a crescent body trailing rotting limbs
floating fragments of the dead drift away
toward decomposed invisibility
while I still breathe, a singularity
Three separate views - above, below - between
Among the rooted graves -- a gray shape moves
clouded eyes snap open -- spot me on shore
with one-pointed strokes swims up through the dank
up through sea floor – up through sea – dead-reckoned
for me
Just before it leaps on me, I turn and
run down murky roads under moonlight’s pall
My ashen track hid in mist – scudding clouds
splinter moon’s white light, while the brutish beast
behind me gains ground and scents my prey-heat
I run wildly, but the gap closes fast
I can’t outstretch or lose this tireless one
Down shadowed hall I run full on in gloom
At the hall’s eclipsed end, I stop to breathe –
to see the other before it sees me
The were-thing wants to take me down rest me
upon a crude, harsh sea stone, tethered yet
not drowned
Breathing hard I wait and stare unblinking
toward the light, toward the hall’s end, tethered yet
not bound
I stand staring hard from the shaded end
Asudden –I am ripped and pulled and dragged
out of the night’s shade surrounding me, and
the death-scented creature jumps and clasps my back
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, I ask myself why so many
steal looks at me as if I am marked “strange”
or with an ugly stain that sickens them
Fear and coldness toward me in every stare
as if two ends of a perilous bridge
stretched long between them at one end and me
What is it they know that I cannot guess?
and what do they see when they stare at me?
an alien fish-beast from foreign seas?
I look at them with no cruelty in mind
To me, they appear undone – some dull, some
ruthless – and when it suits them, sometimes kind
They see I am not like them and I know
I see this clearly when they look at me --
I come from something fresh out of starfields --
audacious adventurer daring life
for now, unknown – yet coming if I wait
Perhaps someone needs to come first and then
together we will travel nameless roads
and do courageous things and take great risks
This must come first – I must be found before
I go – before I leave this wearisome shore
If I’m so different, my path must be too
This must be the truth. This is why they stare
so I must watch, be ready and prepare
Prepare, wait, write the first lines of my song
about the grand day when someone comes along
When finally, I can walk free from all this
because I’m different and they’re all alike
No one sees the changes in me and like
always they veer away – won’t say my name –
I’m the one who has changed! They are the same.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m a great sailor far out on the sea
watching from the oak mast green waves thunder
breaking backs against the black, creaking hull
under jagged lightning cracking the void
Bellowing storm-calls loud my very name
a low wail on stalking wind rises up
fear – blackest of waves – grips deeper my core
Yet just my name -- no one else – nothing more
Dread tethers me tighter to oaken mast
The gray-green sea breaks harsh thundering past
The fearsome waves loving the shrieking wind
hurl white crests, plummet down troughs, heave up again
I strain in wonder before the great mast
will the next bright wave take me down at last?
to drowning both a loss and liberty
or will I beat on to sheer infinity?
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